We break down Prime Minister Noda’s directive regarding the death of Kim Jong Il

Posted on by Jeffrey

While everyone is pretty happy that Kim Jong Il has kicked, many are unsure what to expect of the new “Leader,” Il’s third son, Kim Jong Eun. In response to the death of Kim Jong Il, Prime Minister Noda released a statement titled, “Instructions from the Prime Minister with regard to Press Reports about the Death of Chairman Kim Jong-Il of the National Defense Commission of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea.” In the statement, there are three points – a total of 38 words. We are going to break down all 38 to get to the bottom of what Noda really wants to say.

Strengthen information gathering posture relating to unfolding events in the DPRK.

Noda really means to say, “We’re so deep in debt it’s impossible to spend any money on intelligence but we’re all going to be on Twitter all day and night trying to get ‘#dontattackjapan’ trending.”

Closely share information with the United States of America, Republic of Korea, People’s Republic of China and other related countries.

“We’re only going to share information with the US and that’s only in hope that the US will intervene on our behalf if shit goes sideways. We’re actually not going to talk to South Korea unless we get our islands back and definitely not China unless they give us our economy back; we still do need to be a little nice though.”

Fully prepare for contingencies.

“I just want to sound tough and cool; and make the Japanese people like me. I mean we’re dead broke so we can’t do a damn thing but I really need the Japanese people to like me so I can hold onto this job for more than 6 months.”

And meanwhile in DPRK…

Interestingness

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